Please, Somebody, Buy Me This Useless Water Bottle

Hi, hello, is your water dulled and muted? Do you wish your tap water had the ability to cleanse your mind, body, and spirit? Would you like to pay up to $340 for a water bottle full of rocks? 

Oh, boy, do I have the product for you.

Baby, this is what you came for. (via https://www.gem-water.com)

For a mere $78.00-$340.00 you can own a water bottle that has been pre-filled with crystals. According to Owner/Gem Lover Anjanette and her business partner Ewald, the energy of the gems will transform your water into a magical liquid that will hydrate and heal you (unlike, say, regular water).

But... why drink for free what you could drink for hundreds of dollars??